Change. We always say it’s “the only constant,” but common knowledge doesn’t seem to make it any easier. As creatures of habit, disruptions to the normal aren’t typically welcomed. And if change alone isn’t enough to rattle your cage, sometimes the REASON behind it can really rock your world. The most recent culprit – the novel coronavirus, a.k.a. COVID-19, has definitely rocked the world.
As I regularly fixate on the digital maps tracking the spread of COVID-19, watching the “red circles of doom” expand to seemingly envelop every region of the world, the harsh realities of its impact feel like a punch to the gut. And that’s the mild version. A week ago, the “wrap-around-the-building” lines at Costco and the empty shelves in the stores were unsettling enough. But now, the eeriness of empty streets in the busiest cities, combined with the very real threat of economic collapse are making it even tougher to keep the “sense of concern” from escalating into a full-blown panic.
We’re doing our best to “Keep Calm & Carry On” but the reality is that the stark sense of scarcity, coupled with the frightening exponential rise in confirmed cases and death tolls triggers an impending feeling of despair. And, what is deeply heart-wrenching is knowing that this fear and sadness is building upon an already difficult foundation – the core of it all: a profound sense of widespread grief. As each of us feverishly does our part to keep this “invisible enemy” at bay, our efforts are accompanied by the lingering dark cloud of awareness that throughout the world, humankind is in mourning.
Grief can be defined as anguish; heartache; sorrow; deep and poignant distress caused by loss; the cause of immense suffering. The reality is that grief is a tremendously broad concept, and applies to myriad types of losses, making it nearly impossible to come up with a single definition. But I think it’s safe to say that with the events of the past few weeks, the world is a bit grief-stricken.
While this enemy had already stormed China, Iran, Italy, and other far away places, to me it became real when professional and collegiate sports were abruptly cancelled. I don’t like to admit that, but it was definitely a wake-up call. No NBA. No March Madness. Postponing The Masters? Every other sport immediately followed. And now, the Summer Olympics postponed until 2021. The rest of the world responded. Additional, widespread pre-emptive measures quickly flooded the landscape – school closures, religious gatherings suspended, etc. The previously unfamiliar phrases like “social distancing” and “flatten the curve” became hourly mantras.
Within days, life as we knew it – as we planned on, expected, hoped for – was completely ripped away. Sure, the loss of “entertainment options” sucked. But minor disappointment quickly gave way to profound heartbreak. You know that feeling. If not directly, you certainly see and feel the pain others are wrestling with. For many, dreams were instantly shattered. Bucket-list vacations planned for years suddenly cancelled. “Rites of passage” for the upcoming generation like prom or graduation ceremonies are no more. Life’s celebrations where meaning is deepened by the gathering of beloved family & friends – like birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, even funerals – not an option. Even our work, our learning, our teaching – the very things that give us purpose and passion – are no longer the same.
At least for now.
The struggle is real. The loss is real. The grief. That’s very real too.
But what else is real? What’s real is that “this, too, shall pass.” What’s real is that every grief-stricken heart provides an opportunity for an increased measure of love and kindness. What’s real is that in times of trial, the best of us is revealed, and we humans are notorious for pulling together when the going gets tough, even despite our differences. What’s real is the procession of cars, where friends and family celebrate the marriage of loved ones with a drive-by reception. What’s real is the countless videos and heartwarming messages of hope through music, humor, or words of inspiration. What’s real is the selflessness of frontline medical personnel fighting the fight on our behalf, ensuring those affected by this virus are in good hands. What’s real is the army of teachers, finding creative ways to continue to instill a love of learning in their students, even from afar. What’s real is the sea of mental health providers, continuing to offer their expertise to help manage this grief and calm the emotional unrest we all seem to be experiencing. The list of the beautiful, compassionate things that are also real in this unprecedented time is long, is wonderful, and is so very needed.
They say that every dark cloud has a silver lining. I believe that’s true. I believe that the dark cloud of grief will continue to be met by caring souls, tuned-in to the anguish around us all, committed to illuminate the silver lining.
We need each other. And at this critical time, when all the world is white-knuckling it, hanging on the best we can, we need each other at our best. We are the silver lining. Slowing down the typical craziness of life – hearing the birds sing, playing games together, doing a puzzle, building a blanket fort, having eye-to-eye, face-to-face conversations with our family – these are the silver lining. Everyone works through grief in their own way, on their own time frame. Our opportunity is to provide an environment conducive to healing, countering the darkness with light.
As we all take on the task of defeating this invisible enemy through social distancing and increased sanitizing, let’s also shine a little light on a grief-stricken world. Let’s laugh when we can. Let’s show love and thankfulness in new, creative ways.
• For every handwashing, ponder on 20 seconds of gratitude, and express thanks to someone.
• For every hand we no longer shake, send a note of love and support to whoever comes to mind.
• For every foot of distance between us, spend that many minutes “screen free” for self-care (rest, do art, absorb the beauty of the outdoors, etc.) – so we can be there for others.
• For every item we stock up on, share a portion with someone less fortunate.
• For every cancelled restaurant reservation, make a donation to feed the hungry.
• For every vacation postponed, make a list of things to do that can make the world a better place.
Life, with all its extremes, is a beautiful thing. The darkness is scary, the losses profound. And in the midst of the drastic changes to the world as we knew it, THANK YOU to all those who have embodied, and continue to illustrate the very meaning of silver linings.
Clark H. Hammond, Ph.D., Executive Director
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