How does a small program like STRīV successfully teach their students how to make and keep friends, or as we like to say, “find their people?”
The answer? Community Integration.
We work hard to create a supportive, socially active community among our students – a safe haven they can rely on, belong to. But we also recognize that ready-made relationships within the bubble of a treatment program (though not automatic) are not nearly enough.
In addition to developing social interactions within STRīV, it is critical to help our students learn the skills required to “find their people” OUTSIDE of the program as well. Through community integration – the process of tapping into social opportunities that align with one’s interests, values, etc. – students at STRīV are not limited to students at STRīV. This is one transferable skill that can pay social dividends for a lifetime!
Primary Therapist Celesta Jones, LCSW, shares, “Coming into a program and becoming friends with the other students is an important process. But at STRiV, we’re also focusing on teaching the skills that will be incredibly useful outside the sheltered structure of a program. So, regardless of ‘census fluctuations,’ or personality misalignment within the program, there are always meaningful social opportunities to explore.”
Social anxiety or other challenges to social connection are one reason many students come to STRīV. They may lack a sense of belonging, have difficulty making and/or keeping friends, or tend to isolate. Or, they may lack in-person friendships altogether, and rely on social media for their own connections, or live vicariously through others’ online presence.
When it comes to true social connection, quality definitely out-trumps quantity. For many emerging adults, however, this may not line up with the perceived value of digital friends. We live in a world – perhaps more so for Gen Z-ers – where the number of followers and likes on social media represent an element of relevance. If our online presence is believed to be our actual connectedness, high numbers suggest strong likeability, popularity, or acceptance, while low numbers sadly suggest irrelevance.1 Yet research suggests that the chances of a person feeling social isolation DOUBLED if they spent 2 hours or more per day on social media, regardless of the numbers of likes or followers. Brian Primack, professor at the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine, warned, “While it may seem that social media presents opportunities to fill that social void, I think (the research) suggests that it may not be the solution people were hoping for.”2
Another argument for quality over quantity is the theory of “Dunbar’s number.”3 British anthropologist Robin Dunbar suggests that the magic number is 150, meaning that humans can only handle 150 meaningful connections. And, that the closer the relationships, the fewer we can effectively maintain. The theory breaks this down as follows: included in the 150 relationships, we’re only capable of effectively managing 50 friends, 15 good friends, and only 5 within our tightest circle – loved ones.
Now, there are plenty of arguments that suggest Dunbar’s theory may be less than exact, but it’s an interesting perspective. And the point remains: social media friends and followers are likely more sizzle than steak, and a few quality, in-person connections can make a world of difference.
Here are two ways STRīV helps create big, in-person connections through community integration:
1. Community Integration group.
Our community integration group provides opportunities for the students to plan activities together, as well as identify ways to develop their own interests, hobbies, etc. by venturing out into the community, the university campus, etc. It is a dual-purpose gathering – the planning of social activities within the program, coupled with the exploration of hobbies, interests, values, etc. of each individual, and creating strategies to meet others with like interests.
For example, at times, a student has an interest that may not appeal to other students in the program (e.g. skateboarding). Rather than skating alone, the student and mentors can explore opportunities within the community to meet other skaters in the area (like the skateboarding club on campus, or skate groups on the Meet Up app). With a mentor as their “wingman” students explore these opportunities with someone they know and trust, while being coached and encouraged to connect.
2) The Art of Social Connection group.
Life skills groups, including a group focused on developing and/or practicing social skills, are a helpful process for emerging adults, and are available in a variety of settings. This is an important group at STRīV as well. Yet as a way to enhance the process, we invite other young adults from within the community to participate.
Because this group is held off-site, there is no real distinction between STRīV students and the other participants. This maintains the primary benefit of learning/implementing social skills, but also brings a couple of new, helpful dimensions to the process. One, it expands the network of peers our students interact with in purposeful ways. Two, it provides fresh insights and shifts within group dynamics that allow for a different level of awareness for each student. This two-part (6-weeks each) psychoeducational and experiential group is another form of community integration, and one more opportunity to help our students “find their people.”
With a true focus on individualized treatment – one of the benefits of a small program – STRīV also provides tremendous opportunities for big, meaningful connections.
1 The psychology of a like: how social media is really affecting your brain, by Catriona Harvey-Jenner, Cosmopolitan, 7/25/2017. https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/reports/a9931660/psychology-social-media-likes-mental-health-issues/
2 U.S. psychologists claim social media ‘increases loneliness,’ BBC News. https://www.bbc.com/news/newsbeat-39176828
3 Dunbar’s number: Why we can only maintain 150 relationships,’ BBC.com. https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20191001-dunbars-number-why-we-can-only-maintain-150-relationships
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